


So Close Yet So Far Away

by NomadicSurvivor



Series: Michael Guerin Week Series [2]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Michael Guerin Week 2019, POV Alex Manes, POV Michael Guerin, Roswell, guerinweek19, mgweek19
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-11-02 08:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20684447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NomadicSurvivor/pseuds/NomadicSurvivor
Summary: I think the first time he ran his hand down my back, I almost orgasmed just from that touch.  It was a completely new experience for me.  It was like a drug- I had just experienced that first high, and would be chasing that same sensation for eternity.





	So Close Yet So Far Away

**Author's Note:**

> Still my first go at fanfic in +20 years - this is fun and I forgot why I enjoyed writing so much - excuse my very out of shape muscle as I work it back up to snuff.

Touch is a funny thing. I was so used to not being touched, or if I was, it was always in a violent way. Izzy forced hugs on me once we reunited. At first they scared the shit out of me. Then I grew to look forward to her hugs, her comfort. When I would hook up with girls at school, the clumsy groping of hormonal teens was hardly gentle, it often would remind me more of the forced movements of adults trying to hurt or control me.

Then I met Alex. I think the first time he ran his hand down my back, I almost orgasmed just from that touch. It was a completely new experience for me. It was like a drug- I had just experienced that first high, and would be chasing that same sensation for eternity.

As I got older, end of high school, rumor mill said I was dating Isobel just because anytime we were seen together, I’d be curled around her, or she’d be hugging me. I craved it. But it was also only with Izzy. Then Alex offered me a warm place to sleep, and as much as I wanted his touch, I also had to keep my distance, keep him at arm’s reach, protect myself. Until I let the walls down and let him in. It was the most incredible sensation – feeling him around me. His touch was electric. Then his dad walked in and it all got blown to shit. Life changed that day, the walls were reinforced in steel and the distance I put between myself and Max, the distance Alex put between us (even before that distance physically got huge) reminded me why I don’t let people close, why I keep that distance.

And then distance became time, became a decade. Sure I had Izzy close to me, and her touch stayed a constant over the years. But the distance between Alex and I – it physically hurt. So after a decade, when he suddenly came back, the distance gone between us, yet we were almost farther apart than ever before. Until we weren’t. Until he was in my trailer, in my bed, and had stayed the night. He had stayed, he was touching me, and suddenly there was no more distance. Suddenly I felt like I knew what home was supposed to be. And then Izzy arrived and the distance slammed back between us.

***

I always felt apart from everyone else – even before I really knew I was gay, there was that nagging sensation that told you you were different. That was before my father started beating the shit out of me to fix what he saw as wrong with me. But then Michael came into my periphery. Sure, we had been at the same school for years, but the distance between us had always been there. We mostly hung out in different circles. Sometimes they’d overlap, the distance closing between us, but he was always with Isobel, and as we got older, the rumors around him was that they were an item. He was tough, would get in fights. In high school I heard he was working at the junk yard, started fixing cars. Everything about him screamed straight. So no matter what my feelings were, I kept my distance, tried to not get too close.

But then other rumors started – the foster kid was living out of his truck. He’d been seen checking out some guy in the locker room (even when 10 minutes later he was wrapped around Isobel under a tree in the quad at lunch). I would catch him watching me. And then I found him with my guitar. I took a chance, closed the distance a bit. He trusted people about as much as I did – between both of our walls and the distance we kept everyone at, there was no way the two of us would close the gap… and yet we did. And it was magical. He touched with such hesitation and gentleness – like he thought I’d disappear or something. He’d catch my eye for a second, and then look away, like he didn’t know what to do with someone so up close and personal. And he’d react to my touch like it was electric – but the erotic kind of electric. The first time I ran my hand down his back I thought he was going to lose it! His golden brown eyes glazed over and even his curls almost vibrated in his reaction. I wanted to make that happen every time I touched him. Make both of us close the gap, get rid of the distance, come together. Then my dad happened. And then war.

The distance between us felt so enormous, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to close it. Even after ten years, even after coming back to Roswell, seeing him again, the distance clung to us. I tried to break that distance down, get back that sensation when I touched him, have him react that way as well. But I was too in my head, I screwed it up and kept that distance between us. Project Shephard briefly brought us closer than we had even been – he opened up about him, told me his most guarded secrets. I took a chance, sought him out, tried to close the distance once and for all. And yet he didn’t come. When I found out why, the distance grew again. Yet I’d be lying if I said I still didn’t want to close the gap. Get rid of the distance, be close to Michael. Because ultimately, we both deserve to have someone close to us, we both deserve the touch of love and desire. We both deserve to not be alone, to be together. I long to touch those curls, look into those golden brown eyes, see that crooked smirk, feel his breath on my neck, close the distance between us once and for all.


End file.
